Kim Jong Il

I'm in egypt now... and its already been a long week. I did something that I promised I would never do! I joined a tour. Not just any tour... a Chinese Tour from Hong Kong. My mom and I signed up for a tour to visit Egypt. The ironic part is... she hurt her knee and had to cancel and I went by myself. So I went all the way to Hong Kong to join a Chinese tour to Egypt that is conducted in Cantonese... which I speak about 50 words. Needless to say... its been an interesting experience. The best part is that the tour runs in complete efficiency... no wasted time and no free time allowed! Here is what my first three days looked like:

Day 1:
Red Eye to Egypt, arrive 6am.
Get on Bus at 6:30
Drive for 4 hours.
Alexandria, take pictures, get back on bus.
Drive for 4 hours
Back to Cairo... and to sleep

Day 2:
Start at 5:30
Tourist fun till 10pm
Flight to Aswan arrive 12:30am
Bus to Hotel & Get into Bed at 1am

Day 3
Wake-up call 3:15am (yes, that means we got 2hours of sleep)
4 hour bus ride to Abu Simbel
take some pictures
4 hour bus ride back to Aswan
Lunch at 3pm
Dinner at 6pm

Well... the other days were slightly better. We've got to sleep in till 5 or 6 am everyday. I asked my tour guide why we pack so much stuff in. There were 1-2 sights that we literally drove by and just took pictures from the window.... the driver didn't even slow down. My guide wasn't really understanding my logic. Our conversation was as follows:

Me: Why do we see so many things in one day. We don't really get a chance to appreciate anything
Guide: What would we do if we didn't see so many things?
Me: I dont' know... enjoy the sites, take pictures... maybe even have fun?
Guide: We see all the sites and everyone has time to take pictures. In the end they are all the same. We see all the same places as the European groups but in half the time. Its better this way. There no point to spend so much time at each site. Just see the entrance and take some pictures and go. What else is there to do?
Me: Uh... stop and enjoy the sites? relax?
Guide: I dont' understand...
(uncomfortable silence...)
Me: Okay... I guess you are right?

Its actually kinda funny. Its like... we drive all day and everyone sleeps in the bus. The guide doesn't care and talks for the entire time on the mic... even though everyone is sleeping and no one is listening. She's completely on autopilot... she doesn't even face the group. She faces the front window and keeps talking and talking... she even laughs at her own jokes. She must know that everyone is sleeping, cuz she never turns around. Its so Ferris Bueller... "Here is the Pyramids made by____ Anyone? Anyone?" Then we get to the designated attraction and we have like 45 minutes to fight the crowds and take pictures. The specific on-site tour is extra hilarious. I have an egyption guide that tells me everything in English. While at Kom Ombo, he took me from one room to the next and we saw the entire sight in 30 minutes. At each room he said (no joke... he really said this in each room we passed through):

"this is fill in blank, made by fill in blank, okay? you remember? take picture. i wait you in next room. hurry hurry hurry. not too many pictures. we must see all in 30 minutes. Hurry!"

The best part is that I realized that we are just like a prison.

• we travel around the desert in a police convoy... no stops allowed.


• we eat the same food every day from from a buffet line (although its not served with ice cream scoopers)


• we wear uniforms to remind us that we are not individuals


• if we fall out of line, we are reminded that no prisoner is allowed to arrive late or go off on our own


• the tour guide take a head count at every stop to make sure no one gets loose


• both use torture to break your spirit - our torture is sleep depravation.


• the locals do stupid human tricks for us to pass the time... like flip their cigarettes inside their mouths.

Its not all bad though. Needless to say... every site has been amazing. I really want to come back one day and see them for myself without my tour guide pulling on my arm after each picture. The only down side is that the air quality is so bad that you can barely see the pyramids in my pictures.

The best part of my trip.... the characters. I have one couple that is runs in front of the group. The wife runs from one pillar/statue to the next, posing (left side forward, head tilted at 45 degree angle, slightly toothy smile) while the husband runs behind her taking pictures and instructing her. I can't understand what he is saying, but I imagine its something like

"Common... give me sexy. Give me Cleopatra. Give me Sphinx. talk to meeee... make love to the camera. Youre a lion, youre a man, youre a sphinx. Grrr"

The craziest character is this one dude that looks exactly... EXACTLY... like Kim Jong Il. I can't take my eyes off of him. Sometimes, I say, "Kim" under my breath and look to see if he turns around. I'm pretty sure its him. This pix of him is not that great... but its a little taste!

2 more days of tourist fun... and then its all over!!!